{October 24th // Our Due Date}

A very special thank you to my sweet friend Amy {Keepin' Up with the Smiths}. She sent me this precious angel baby charm back in March when we going through our miscarriage.

October 24th...

Today would have been our baby's due date.

But, I will never hold that sweet baby this side of Heaven.

When we got that positive sign on a pregnancy test I never in a million years imagined it would end up this way. I know miscarriage happens every day, but I never thought it would happen to us.  I mean, the thought never crossed my mind. But yet, here we are. October 24th, 2016. We've reached our due date for a baby we will never know here on Earth. I can't help but to think what today would have been like {had we actually carried to term and delivered on our due date}. Or the days before today and most certainly the days after today. What he or she would look like...that sweet new baby smell...those precious cuddles and intimate nursing and bonding sessions...how Mason would step into this new role of 'big brother'. All of it. I even long for those sleepless nights if it meant I had a baby in my arms. But that wasn't the plan for us or for our baby this time.

I do feel so blessed to have been able to carry that baby, even if for a little while. And there is no better feeling than to know that if our baby couldn't be here with us that he or she is safe with our Heavenly Father. And there is no greater peace than that.

Having gone through such a tragic loss I wanted to share what I have learned throughout my journey. I know that miscarriage is different for everyone and not one person handles it the same. But, if I can help one person by sharing our story and what we have learned then I am an open book.

To the mamas experiencing loss...
“Do not be afraid or dismayed because of this great suffering, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”  - 2 Chronicles 20:15

First of all, I wish I could reach out and give you the biggest hug right now. Or lend a shoulder to cry on. Or to just sit with you and be near. I know that when I was in the thick of my miscarriage how much each of these little things meant to me. Every time Nate hugged me I didn't want to let go. It comforted me in ways I can't explain. I am sorry that you are going through this and hope you know that I am praying for you.

1.) Allow yourself to grieve. 
No matter how early or late you miscarried it hurts all the same. Allow yourself to grieve and don't bottle it up. Cry, scream, write, pray and talk With God, talk with a friend, a counselor...do whatever you need to do. I believe that with grieving comes healing. And remember that there is no time limit on your grieving. Loss is hard and only you know and feel the depths of it. My miscarriage happened a little over 7 months ago, but I am still grieving. Especially today, on our baby's due date. And that is okay.

2.) It's not your fault. 
This was the toughest one for me. I felt like the biggest failure and I put so much guilt on myself to the point where I felt sick on the inside. I felt broke. All of those whys and what did I do wrongs. They played over and over in my head for days on end. It's natural to want to blame someone and blaming ourselves is the easiest target since we were the one carrying the baby. But friend, let me tell you it's not your fault. God had plans for that baby long before this day. And nothing you did or didn't do had a role in that. We may never know his reasons this side of Heaven, but we just have to trust in His plan. 

“Jesus answered, What I am doing now you may not understand, but one day you will know.” - John 13:7

3.) You are not alone. 
I will be the first to admit...I had the best support system a girl could have, but yet I felt so hollow inside and so alone. So alone. Being in the depths of heartache after a loss is a lonely and dark place. It's hard to explain and only those that have been there can truly grasp the hurt. Losing a baby is so hard to think about, much less talk about.  But once I started to open up to friends and family I learned that I wasn't so alone after all. So many people close to me had experienced loss just like I had. It was so comforting to know and I felt less isolated. Hearing their stories and how they coped gave me hope.

4.) God heals the brokenhearted
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. - Psalm 147:3-5
Lean on God. He will meet you right there in the middle of your mess. You need only to invite Him in. God knows your heart and your brokenness and it's never too much for Him. And day by day he will mend your hurting heart and provide you with an overwhelming peace.


  1. Thinking of you today, sweet friend. You are FAR from alone and in my prayers. <3

  2. I am thinking of you, my friend. You are SO strong and such a wonderful mama!!!! ALL the positive vibes your way!

  3. Sending you love, support and prayers today (and every day) sweet friend. xoxoxo

  4. Thinking of you today (and every day) sweet friend. Lots of extra prayers too.

  5. My thoughts and love to you today, and every day. <3

  6. Thinking of you today friend. Many prayers. Thank you for sharing.

  7. Sweet friend! I have been thinking of you a bunch and sending you lots of thoughts and prayers. Huge hugs to you. Xoxo

  8. I had a miscarriage between Wyatt + Delta Mae. It was really hard for me and still is, especially when June 10 (our due date) comes around. I actually met a mother up here and her daughter was born the day our second child was expected to make his/her arrival. I cried and cried when I found that out.

    Darrell Evans has a great Christian song, I Know, that helped me make it through.

    "When my bed has been floating
    On the flood of all my tears
    Seems as though my joy has disappeared
    Still I will not put my hope
    In what I feel or see
    I will cling to You
    And Trust You're holding me
    Cause I know that Your love is unfailing
    O I know Your grace is so amazing
    O I know even though my faith be shaken
    O I still know I'll never be forsaken
    'Cause You're always faithful
    I know"

    Praying for you, Lady!

  9. Love you sweet friend. Sending you the biggest hug. I'm here for you always.

  10. Thinking of you and your sweet baby today, Crystal. I got my tattoo on my due date and I always felt that it helped me a lot with my healing process. Hugs to you <3

  11. Oh my goodness I am so sorry! Today must be so difficult for you both. Thinking of you!

  12. Praying for you! It's been seven years since my first miscarriage, and although it never completely heals, it does ease with time. I think the first year is the hardest of the "what if's" but I still think about what my little would-be first grader would be doing right now. Praying for comfort for you. You're right, you are not alone!

  13. You have been in my thoughts and prayers for so many days now friend. I pray that God was the giver of peace today.

  14. Love you, sweet friend. Hugs today and always.

  15. Many, many hugs, Crystal! I know it's tough, but I love that you have shared your thoughts and emotions through this journey because I know so many others can relate.

  16. I am praying for you, today especially! There will be a sweet reunion in Heaven one day!!

  17. Crystal, thinking of you, sending hugs, and lifting up prayers.

  18. It's terrible to suffer a loss and I think losing a baby
    /pregnancy has to be one of the worst losses. I feel for you and your family, even as it seems you've found a little bit of peace. I'm glad you have a great support system to help you through. :mama hugs:

  19. A hard day indeed. Grieving is a long process and one that I'm not sure ever truly goes away. Thinking of you and your beautiful family and wishing I could give you a real hug friend!

  20. Thinking of you, Crystal. I hope that you can find some peace today. XO

  21. I'm thinking of you on this day, sweet lady. Hugs.

  22. Sending you love, dear one. God definitely brings that peace and comfort and I am so thankful He is looking out for them now.

  23. Hugs doll- I know all too well the feeling. We have 6 angel babies. But it makes me that much more thankful for our two blessings. Praying for healing and comfort for you friend!

  24. I hope you will continue to heal and be uplifted by those who care about you.

  25. Such powerful, important and truthful lessons you shared. This post would be an inspiration to many who might be going through the same thing. Thinking of you! xo

  26. I'm so sad for your loss. Your message for others going through the same thing is so wise and compassionate. Love and prayers to you my friend.

  27. Sending you lots of love and hugs! This is a sweet post for grieving mama's.

  28. I am just so upset that I did not know this! I try to stop in and read when I can and you have been on my mind so much lately. Now, I know why God placed you on my mind. Crystal, I am so very sorry for this. That beautiful child now rest in the hands of our Father. You will see that child again.

    I am sending my love and prayers to you. And, what a wonderful due date. That was my Lilli's due date, but she came on the 22nd.

    I'm very sorry that we have lost some touch over the last two years after my divorce and now that I work full time again.

    I love you so very much!


Thanks for the comments! Hope you are having an amazing day!!